Movies

One good thing about having ADHD is that movies never get old. I don't pay enough attention to movies the first time around, so when I watch it a 2nd, 3rd, 4th time around, it's feels like I'm watching a movie for the first time.

Hyperfocus

While you’re probably aware that people with ADD/ADHD have trouble focusing on tasks that aren’t interesting to them, you may not know that there’s another side: a tendency to become absorbed in tasks that are stimulating and rewarding. This paradoxical symptom is called hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus is actually a coping mechanism for distraction—a way of tuning out the chaos. It can be so strong that you become oblivious to everything going on around you. For example, you may be so engrossed in a book, a TV show, or your computer that you completely lose track of time and neglect the things you’re supposed to be doing. Hyperfocus can be an asset when channeled into productive activities, but it can also lead to work and relationship problems if left unchecked.

Website: http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

I wish

I wish I could sleep.

Symptoms of ADHD

The symptoms of inattention and concentration difficulties include:

• “zoning out” without realizing it, even in the middle of a conversation.
• extreme distractibility; wandering attention makes it hard to stay on track.
• difficulty paying attention or focusing, such as when reading or listening to others.
• struggling to complete tasks, even ones that seem simple.
• tendency to overlook details, leading to errors or incomplete work.
• poor listening skills; hard time remembering conversations and following directions.

Common symptoms of disorganization and forgetfulness include:

• poor organizational skills (home, office, desk, or car is extremely messy and cluttered)
• tendency to procrastinate
• trouble starting and finishing projects
• chronic lateness
• frequently forgetting appointments, commitments, and deadlines
• constantly losing or misplacing things (keys, wallet, phone, documents, bills)
• underestimating the time it will take you to complete tasks

Common impulse symptoms:

• frequently interrupt others or talk over them
• have poor self-control
• blurt out thoughts that are rude or inappropriate without thinking
• have addictive tendencies
• act recklessly or spontaneously without regard for consequences
• have trouble behaving in socially appropriate ways (such as sitting still during a long meeting)

Common emotional symptoms of adult ADD/ADHD include

• sense of underachievement
• doesn’t deal well with frustration
• easily flustered and stressed out
• irritability or mood swings
• trouble staying motivated
• hypersensitivity to criticism
• short, often explosive, temper
• low self-esteem and sense of insecurity

Common symptoms of hyperactivity in adults include:

• feelings of inner restlessness, agitation
• tendency to take risks
• getting bored easily
• racing thoughts
• trouble sitting still; constant fidgeting
• craving for excitement
• talking excessively
• doing a million things at once

Website:http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

Myths and Facts about ADD/ADHD in Adults

MYTH: ADD/ADHD is just a lack of willpower. Persons with ADD/ADHD focus well on things that interest them; they could focus on any other tasks if they really wanted to.

FACT: ADD/ADHD looks very much like a willpower problem, but it isn’t. It’s essentially a chemical problem in the management systems of the brain.

MYTH: Everybody has the symptoms of ADD/ADHD, and anyone with adequate intelligence can overcome these difficulties.

FACT: ADD/ADHD affects persons of all levels of intelligence. And although everyone sometimes has symptoms of ADD/ADHD, only those with chronic impairments from these symptoms warrant an ADD/ADHD diagnosis.

MYTH: Someone can’t have ADD/ADHD and also have depression, anxiety, or other psychiatric problems.

FACT: A person with ADD/ADHD is six times more likely to have another psychiatric or learning disorder than most other people. ADD/ADHD usually overlaps with other disorders.

MYTH: Unless you have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as a child, you can’t have it as an adult.

FACT: Many adults struggle all their lives with unrecognized ADD/ADHD impairments. They haven’t received help because they assumed that their chronic difficulties, like depression or anxiety, were caused by other impairments that did not respond to usual treatment.

Source: Dr. Thomas E. Brown, Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults

Website: http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

Questions

I recently got a few anonymous questions about my ADHD on my formspring site. I decided I would answer them on here, too, but more in depth.

Do you really think people care about your newfound ADHD? if you really had it, you would have known before college.

Yes, I know there are people who care about my "newfound" ADHD, but I'm sure there are some people who don't care. Anybody who knows me well, knows that I've been aware of my ADHD for quite some time now. Since my sophomore year of high school, to be exact. A teacher of mine brought it to my attention that it was very possible I had ADHD. I talked to my parents about it, but they didn't think I had it, so they wouldn't take me to get evaluated.
Once I got to college, it became completely obvious that I was suffering from ADHD, so I made an appointment with a therapist myself. He diagnosed me with ADHD, and then referred me to a psychiatrist so I could be prescribed medication. She also evaluated me, and diagnosed me with ADHD. It seems like you are questioning whether or not I have ADHD, and I hope this helped to prove to you that I do.

How does someone failing out of college with ADHD have the patience and free time to design and maintain a blog?

This question reinforces my opinion that the majority of the population does not understand this disorder. ADHD doesn't only make it hard for people to focus, but it also makes it hard for us to stay on task, even if it's a very simple task. We are impulsive and very occasionally say the first thing that comes into our head, which often pisses people off or gets us in trouble. This makes social situations very hard for us. We are very unorganized. You should see my room, which there is a picture in one of my other blogs. It's so messy that it's almost harder for me to actually find a textbook than it is for me to sit down and be able to read it. We don't pay attention to details, so we make easy mistakes in homework and on quizzes or tests. If you think you procrastinate a lot, you should watch someone with ADHD try to do a homework assignment. But please keep in mind that not everyone with ADHD has every single one of these symptoms. Symptoms and extremeness of ADHD varies from person to person.
So to answer your question, I'm not failing out of college. I did not do very good last semester, and I was put on academic probation, but that's because I had not talked to a doctor about how to deal with ADHD. I didn't know of good study techniques or anything of that sort. I am doing much better this semester, but still struggling to keep my grades up. I need to get a 2.0 or else I will be suspended for a semester. How do I have free time to design and maintain a blog? Easily. When I have a paper or something due, I blog instead. Remember, I have ADHD. It's extremely hard for me to stay on task, and I skip back and forth between what I should be doing, like homework, and things I shouldn't be doing, such as writing a blog. As of right now, it is completely impossible for me to just sit down and finish something without jumping around to other stuff in the process.


Also, view my blog post Hyperfocus.

I wish

I wish I could reduce the clutter in my room and in my mind.

Get Me Off This Fucking Medication

So, I'm getting off my ADHD medication. Is anybody else planning on stopping their meds or stopped their meds in the past?

I've been taking Strattera since I was diagnosed about 4 months ago, but I decided that the side effects outweighed the positive effects I was getting out of it. Since I've started it, I've become way too emotional and moody. I get angry and sad really easily, and it happens mostly with my boyfriend (who is awesome, by the way, and doesn't deserve to have me mad at him all of the time.) This has really put a strain on our relationship, and I don't like it one bit.

Plus my meds have thrown me into this crazy high and low cycle, also known as bipolar disorder. I notice it mostly with my sleeping habits. For two weeks, I'll have too much energy and it's hard for me to sleep at night. I won't fall asleep until 4, 5, or 6 o'clock in the morning, and I'll only get 4-6 hours of sleep every night. This goes on for about two weeks, and then all of a sudden I crash. I end up being tired constantly, and I sleep all of the time. There's times where I'll sleep for 11 or 12 hours at night, and then I'll take a 3 or 4 hour nap during the day.

Like I mentioned before, the bad definitely outweighs the good for me, and for that reason, I am starting to taper off my Strattera. If I don't experience any crazy withdrawal symptoms, then I should be off of medication by April 8th. And someone asked me about it, so I figured I'd post it on here, but I am doing this under doctor supervision. I am not getting off of my meds all on my own.

I just can't wait to be my normal self again. Although I'd like to think that my normal self is not so normal. What do you think?

Writing Papers

I hate writing papers. The hardest part is just starting the damn thing. The second hardest part is finishing it. And the third hardest part is writing all of the bullshit in the middle. I have a one page, single-spaced paper due tomorrow (technically today) at 4:30 PM. It's almost 3:00 in the morning, and this is all I have done so far:

Absolutely nothing. I've been trying to work on this paper since about 1:00 this morning. I should have started it at like 6 or 7, but it wouldn't have made a difference. I'd probably still be at the same spot I am right now.

Believe me, I really want to do this. I want to write this paper. I just... can't.

Maybe I'll go to bed and try again in the morning.

Flipping Through the Channels

You're watching TV with a friend. They have control of the remote. It's 2:00 in the afternoon, so there's nothing good on. They keep flipping through the channels. "Today it's going to be 71 with a chance of..." "...crazy bitch! He doesn't love you! He doesn't..." "Mi destino eres tú" "...but officer, that's not mine, I swear. It's...."

Imagine it. The channels keep changing, but you can't do anything about it. You have no control over it. You want it to stop. You want to stay on one channel.

Finally. Your friend settles on a repeat of The Maury Show. Oh, wait. It's commercials now. Boring. Back to flipping through the channels.

This is how my mind works. It's like someone else has the remote to my brain, and they can't figure out which channel they want to stop on. First I'm studying for my math test, the next second I'm thinking about what I want to eat for dinner. A sandwich from the cafeteria sounds good.

Then I'm pulling out my psychology book, even though I didn't study math for more than 5 minutes.

Now I'm on facebook, chatting with friends. Wait, when did I get on the computer?

I think I'll go get that sandwich now.

Oh, hey! I haven't talked to you in awhile. What have you been up to?

Gee, why am I so hungry? Oh, yeah. I never actually got any food.

I start eating, only to find myself working on math again before I finish the sandwich.

Will you please stop changing the channels?